Running to the New Year

Yesterday was the 9th annual Run for the Ranch race event, 5k, 10k, Half and Full Marathon. I ran the 10k. With a goal of finishing in the best time I could. It was a great day for running, my goals in races these days is to finish, and not be too low in the rankings. The race was 2 loops, I did the first in 22:47, decent, but I knew probably too fast for a good steady second lap. I was pleased at the half way point of that loop to be no longer be passed by anyone and to know that once I was up the last hill into the 15 mph wind it would be downhill to the finish. I passed a few people in the last block. As I came into the finish gate somebody blew past me. Oh well, I finished in 47:20, not bad, under 8 minute miles. I was surprised to see the post of the finish and I was 2nd in my age group, which means I was probably 5th fastest finisher over 40. I had not won a trophy or medal this year. What was amazing was the way this made me feel. Just that morning in Sunday school class, we had been talking about the importance of such things as recognition and rewards for overcoming adversity and how in all we do it is not so much the reward as the finish, or survival of such things. Why did this place in the race and the fact that I recieved a shiny little trophy with a cowboy boot on it give me some elevated sense of accomplishment, recognition or something? I can only attribute it to ego, that part of me that I make fun of and denegrade to keep it in check. But what I found was that even in a race at the end of the year, what really keeps me coming back is not the chance to beat my old time, it really is the chance to prove myself "better" than others. This is not really the theme I want for my 2009 resolution, self-improvement sounds much better, but if I look inside I find I still want to beat somebody.